Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
