All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
