omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
