Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
