I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
