I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
