I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
