Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
