when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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