She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
