"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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