There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
