god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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