turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
