I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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