jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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