Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ttyl tear gas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
