Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
