we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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