im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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