did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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