mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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