first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
