seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
