I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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