laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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