but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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