If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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