"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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