Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
