Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
