I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
