I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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