i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize