i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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