listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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