this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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