Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
