Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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