I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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