Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
