At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
