I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
