'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Randomize
