you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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