Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
