How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
