Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
