Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
