and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
