Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
