next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
