I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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