the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
