There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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