did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
