How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
