Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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