I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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