i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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