dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
