I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize