I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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