I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
