he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
