Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
