well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
